Dwayne and I were looking at week-by-week pictures of how the baby grows inside the uterus and how it fits inside the belly. When we got to around week 38 Dwayne exclaimed: "Oh my god, how are you going to get that out of you?!"
My reply to this was: "I don't know. I'll figure it out when it happens."
Monday, 26 November 2012
Saturday, 24 November 2012
Nightmares
I very seldom have nightmares. You might well say I never have nightmares. But they say you have them when you're pregnant, and I can confirm that. Early this morning I had a long and very detailed dream (my dreams always are) and I will summarise it for you so you see what I mean.
The dream had three parts. In short, the first part was in the hospital where I was having my babies (yes, plural, triplets in this case). All my family was there. A lot happened but in the end my babies were taken away and I didn't even get to see them.
In the second part I was in some sort of swamp looking for my babies. There were crocodiles everywhere and one was targeting me. It took hold of my foot and tried to pull me into the water. In the distance I could see my friend Andrea, and she was smiling and waving at me.
In the final part I was back in the hospital. I remembered there was only one baby on that first scan, and with the crocodiles and everything I realised I was going insane. I also started bleeding heavily and I was on the floor begging my mother to call for the doctor, but she just kept checking for my pulse and not calling anyone. As I lost consciousness I woke up.
I know exactly what it is my brain is trying to process. It is totally obvious. In this dream my babies are taken away and nobody seems to think anything of it, I am being eaten by a crocodile and my friend doesn't seem to realise, and finally I am dying but nobody takes it seriously. This is so clearly about the fact that I am constantly so worried about my baby that my heart hurts, and nobody else seems worried at all. I am convinced that little heart is no longer beating, and everyone tells me "Nah, everything is fine!"
Gosh, I wish I was one of everyone else. And I can't wait for my 12 week scan in two weeks' time so I can see that heart beat again.
The dream had three parts. In short, the first part was in the hospital where I was having my babies (yes, plural, triplets in this case). All my family was there. A lot happened but in the end my babies were taken away and I didn't even get to see them.
In the second part I was in some sort of swamp looking for my babies. There were crocodiles everywhere and one was targeting me. It took hold of my foot and tried to pull me into the water. In the distance I could see my friend Andrea, and she was smiling and waving at me.
In the final part I was back in the hospital. I remembered there was only one baby on that first scan, and with the crocodiles and everything I realised I was going insane. I also started bleeding heavily and I was on the floor begging my mother to call for the doctor, but she just kept checking for my pulse and not calling anyone. As I lost consciousness I woke up.
I know exactly what it is my brain is trying to process. It is totally obvious. In this dream my babies are taken away and nobody seems to think anything of it, I am being eaten by a crocodile and my friend doesn't seem to realise, and finally I am dying but nobody takes it seriously. This is so clearly about the fact that I am constantly so worried about my baby that my heart hurts, and nobody else seems worried at all. I am convinced that little heart is no longer beating, and everyone tells me "Nah, everything is fine!"
Gosh, I wish I was one of everyone else. And I can't wait for my 12 week scan in two weeks' time so I can see that heart beat again.
Baby brain
I think I am suffering from what they call baby brain. As an example I went to the supermarket the other day to get four things:
Muesli
Toilet paper
Milk
Dinner
This is what I came home with:
Milk (woohoo!)
Strawberries
Peaches
Capsicum
Cucumber
Plums
Popcorn
Potato chips
Sour cream
Now, I challenge you to make dinner out of that. I had to call Dwayne and tell him if he wanted dinner he'd have to go get some. And toilet paper.
Muesli
Toilet paper
Milk
Dinner
This is what I came home with:
Milk (woohoo!)
Strawberries
Peaches
Capsicum
Cucumber
Plums
Popcorn
Potato chips
Sour cream
Now, I challenge you to make dinner out of that. I had to call Dwayne and tell him if he wanted dinner he'd have to go get some. And toilet paper.
Wednesday, 7 November 2012
The biggest moment (so far)
Yesterday evening after the scan I called my mum and dad and broke the news to them. I said to my dad: You're going to be a grandfather! and he burst into tears instantly. It was without a doubt the biggest moment in my life so far, telling my dad that we were expecting his first grandchild. My heart goes out to all those who never got a chance to tell their parents.
When he had collected himself I told him about the scan and the heartbeat, and off he went again...
Later we drove over to Dwayne's mum's place and handed her the scans and asked her opinion on them. Dwayne handed them to her, so she was probably expecting to be looking inside his knees or something... It took her a minute to realise she was looking at my uterus, but once she did she was over the moon.
Yesterday was an unusually great day!
When he had collected himself I told him about the scan and the heartbeat, and off he went again...
Later we drove over to Dwayne's mum's place and handed her the scans and asked her opinion on them. Dwayne handed them to her, so she was probably expecting to be looking inside his knees or something... It took her a minute to realise she was looking at my uterus, but once she did she was over the moon.
Yesterday was an unusually great day!
The scan
So, yesterday Tuesday 6th November (Melbourne Cup day!) Dwayne and I went for our first ultrasound scan. I was terrified. I was convinced that there would be no embryo, or no heart beat, or something unclear that would leave me unsatisfied and even more scared afterwards.
But that was not the case.
The Blob (as we have lovingly named it) is 7 weeks and 4 days and has a healthy heartbeat of 153 beats per minute.
Dwayne and I were amazed. It's really there, the Blob. We've seen it.
There is a bizarre feeling that the heartbeat was only there on the screen in the clinic - I find it hard to grasp that it is still beating away in my uterus right now, wherever I go it goes with me. Decidedly odd thought.
But that was not the case.
The Blob (as we have lovingly named it) is 7 weeks and 4 days and has a healthy heartbeat of 153 beats per minute.
Dwayne and I were amazed. It's really there, the Blob. We've seen it.
There is a bizarre feeling that the heartbeat was only there on the screen in the clinic - I find it hard to grasp that it is still beating away in my uterus right now, wherever I go it goes with me. Decidedly odd thought.
Sunday, 4 November 2012
Telling people
I am terrified of telling people about this new great thing in my life. I wasn't even sure I wanted to tell Dwayne until at least after the blood test, but then again he is very much involved and if there was disappointment I didn't want to face it alone. So I told him after the fourth home pregnancy test. I am just so scared that it will go wrong. It happened so very easily - and easy come, easy go...
On Friday night I went out with two girlfriends. One is getting married in January and we spent the evening watching her get her trial hair and makeup for the wedding. The other one is my best friend on the whole continent, Andrea. Afterwards we went for dinner in Kings Cross. I think it was supposed to be a hen night style evening similar to my own hair and makeup trial day back in March. That night we went out all night and got unreasonably drunk and danced until the early morning hours, but this evening I went home straight after dinner. I was sitting there, 80% sure I was pregnant, sipping painfully slowly on half a glass of Champagne as not to cause suspicion. I told the girls I wasn't feeling too well, and blamed the cold sore on my chin saying that I was definitely fighting off some nasty cold. All the while I was biting my tongue not to drag Andrea to one side to tell her the real reason.
Dwayne and I had agreed not to tell a living soul until the time was right. Not until we were far enough into the pregnancy to be sure it would stick. But yesterday (Saturday 3rd November) Andrea texted me to ask if I was feeling any better, and we decided to call her up and tell her everything. It was so GREAT to share the secret with someone who really cares! And Dwayne and Andrea work together, so now poor Dwayne also has one person he can babble his heart out to.
We have adjusted the telling people rule to after the scan. Once the scan is done on Tuesday I will feel much more confident, and then we will tell our parents and families. Not all friends and acquaintances yet, only our very closest people. Actually, my sister Lena and her family are visiting in Australia at the moment but flew off to Cairns for a week last Wednesday, one day before the first pregnancy test. Basically, they left after having shared a bottle of wine with me over dinner and they are coming back to these surprising news. Lena - when you read this in the near future, know that it was completely BIZARRE to speak to you on the phone whilst you were in Cairns, knowing this HUGE secret and pretending like nothing was up. I cannot wait to tell you on Wednesday evening!
On Friday night I went out with two girlfriends. One is getting married in January and we spent the evening watching her get her trial hair and makeup for the wedding. The other one is my best friend on the whole continent, Andrea. Afterwards we went for dinner in Kings Cross. I think it was supposed to be a hen night style evening similar to my own hair and makeup trial day back in March. That night we went out all night and got unreasonably drunk and danced until the early morning hours, but this evening I went home straight after dinner. I was sitting there, 80% sure I was pregnant, sipping painfully slowly on half a glass of Champagne as not to cause suspicion. I told the girls I wasn't feeling too well, and blamed the cold sore on my chin saying that I was definitely fighting off some nasty cold. All the while I was biting my tongue not to drag Andrea to one side to tell her the real reason.
Dwayne and I had agreed not to tell a living soul until the time was right. Not until we were far enough into the pregnancy to be sure it would stick. But yesterday (Saturday 3rd November) Andrea texted me to ask if I was feeling any better, and we decided to call her up and tell her everything. It was so GREAT to share the secret with someone who really cares! And Dwayne and Andrea work together, so now poor Dwayne also has one person he can babble his heart out to.
We have adjusted the telling people rule to after the scan. Once the scan is done on Tuesday I will feel much more confident, and then we will tell our parents and families. Not all friends and acquaintances yet, only our very closest people. Actually, my sister Lena and her family are visiting in Australia at the moment but flew off to Cairns for a week last Wednesday, one day before the first pregnancy test. Basically, they left after having shared a bottle of wine with me over dinner and they are coming back to these surprising news. Lena - when you read this in the near future, know that it was completely BIZARRE to speak to you on the phone whilst you were in Cairns, knowing this HUGE secret and pretending like nothing was up. I cannot wait to tell you on Wednesday evening!
Seeing is believing
So. Here's the story of how I came to be pregnant. Well, not exactly HOW I got pregnant, I am sure you know how these things work. But some background is required to explain the gobsmacked look in my husband Dwayne's and my face as we stared at the pregnancy test.
Basically, I have been on Cerazette mini pills for quite a few years, and one of the effects of this pill is that some people (including me) don't get a period. I got mine once every 6 months or so whilst on the pill. Cerazette is not available in Australia, so when I ran out of my year's supply on the 31st August I decided to simply stop NOT trying to get pregnant. Reading about these things I was aware that it might take a while for my body to get into a natural cycle again, and also at my age (33) it might not be super easy to get pregnant, so I figured I'd be safe for a couple of months at least.
I didn't tell Dwayne that I was off the pill. Mostly because I didn't want the whole thing to turn into a baby making project. I just wanted to continue like before, no pressure, and I knew Dwayne would be over the moon anyway if at one point we really did fall pregnant. So I kept it quiet.
A couple of weeks ago I started feeling a bit queasy all day every day. I didn't think much of it at first, but after having felt queasy for over a week solid I started thinking that maybe... maybe there is something going on here. I thought about doing a home pregnancy test, but as my cycle hadn't started up again yet and I hadn't had a period for about 8 months I didn't think it was even remotely likely that I was pregnant, so I discarded the idea.
A few days ago I got a cold sore on my chin, which I used to get a lot when I was younger but not so much these days. I only get them if I am really run down or getting a bad cold, but as I was feeling peachy (except for the queasiness) I googled pregnancy and immune system. And lo and behold, when you're pregnant your immune system is compromised so as not to reject your baby. Huh. Interesting.
I went out on Thursday the 1st November and bought a packet with two pregnancy tests and sneaked into the bathrooms at work to have a go. I didn't really think it would be positive, but I thought I'd rather be safe than sorry. Five minutes later I was staring at a positive pregnancy test, heart racing and and mouth gaping open.
I went straight out again and bought another packet of 3 tests of a different brand. I am not one to just believe anything, I need some hard indisputable evidence. I went back to the bathroom and did a second test. I put it down, turned my back at it for 3 minutes exactly as instructed, and then turned around to find a definitely positive test. Again.
Back to google. I googled reasons for a false positive. What might there be that gives you a positive pregnancy test even though you're not pregnant? Turns out, not much. If the test detects pregnancy hormones, you're pregnant. A false positive is very, very rare. Huh.
So, I went home that afternoon and did two more tests, one of the first brand and one of the second. Positive and positive. You'd think that I would have been convinced by now, but I really wasn't. It was so FANTASTICALLY unlikely! Sickness sets in around 6 weeks of pregnancy apparently, and if I was 6 weeks pregnant it would have had to happen pretty much at the first moment Dwayne and I had after I went off the pill. NOT likely. And we were not TRYING to get pregnant so we weren't exactly going at it like rabbits, once a week maybe.
I said to Dwayne: "Do you want to see something weird?". Of course he wanted to, he said. So I showed him the last test and asked him if he'd ever seen one of those before. He caught on rather quickly: "A positive pregnancy test....?" he said. I nodded and we stared at eachother with silly smiles on our faces for the longest of times. As I was still not convinced I told Dwayne he should not get too ahead of himself until I had been to the GP and got a second (well, sixth) opinion, but I don't think he took any notice. He was too excited.
On Friday morning 2nd November I had a blood test, and on Saturday morning I was standing with my nose against the glass door as the GP's office opened in the morning, to get my results. Yup, pregnant. 7-8 weeks according to hormone levels. Seven to eight weeks! For goodness sake! We are REALLY good at this baby making thing.
Tuesday afternoon 6th November I have an appointment for a dating scan to get a better idea of exactly how far along I am. I can't WAIT. That will be the test that will finally convince me. Seeing a blob on an ultrasound picture. Seeing is believing.
Basically, I have been on Cerazette mini pills for quite a few years, and one of the effects of this pill is that some people (including me) don't get a period. I got mine once every 6 months or so whilst on the pill. Cerazette is not available in Australia, so when I ran out of my year's supply on the 31st August I decided to simply stop NOT trying to get pregnant. Reading about these things I was aware that it might take a while for my body to get into a natural cycle again, and also at my age (33) it might not be super easy to get pregnant, so I figured I'd be safe for a couple of months at least.
I didn't tell Dwayne that I was off the pill. Mostly because I didn't want the whole thing to turn into a baby making project. I just wanted to continue like before, no pressure, and I knew Dwayne would be over the moon anyway if at one point we really did fall pregnant. So I kept it quiet.
A couple of weeks ago I started feeling a bit queasy all day every day. I didn't think much of it at first, but after having felt queasy for over a week solid I started thinking that maybe... maybe there is something going on here. I thought about doing a home pregnancy test, but as my cycle hadn't started up again yet and I hadn't had a period for about 8 months I didn't think it was even remotely likely that I was pregnant, so I discarded the idea.
A few days ago I got a cold sore on my chin, which I used to get a lot when I was younger but not so much these days. I only get them if I am really run down or getting a bad cold, but as I was feeling peachy (except for the queasiness) I googled pregnancy and immune system. And lo and behold, when you're pregnant your immune system is compromised so as not to reject your baby. Huh. Interesting.
I went out on Thursday the 1st November and bought a packet with two pregnancy tests and sneaked into the bathrooms at work to have a go. I didn't really think it would be positive, but I thought I'd rather be safe than sorry. Five minutes later I was staring at a positive pregnancy test, heart racing and and mouth gaping open.
I went straight out again and bought another packet of 3 tests of a different brand. I am not one to just believe anything, I need some hard indisputable evidence. I went back to the bathroom and did a second test. I put it down, turned my back at it for 3 minutes exactly as instructed, and then turned around to find a definitely positive test. Again.
Back to google. I googled reasons for a false positive. What might there be that gives you a positive pregnancy test even though you're not pregnant? Turns out, not much. If the test detects pregnancy hormones, you're pregnant. A false positive is very, very rare. Huh.
So, I went home that afternoon and did two more tests, one of the first brand and one of the second. Positive and positive. You'd think that I would have been convinced by now, but I really wasn't. It was so FANTASTICALLY unlikely! Sickness sets in around 6 weeks of pregnancy apparently, and if I was 6 weeks pregnant it would have had to happen pretty much at the first moment Dwayne and I had after I went off the pill. NOT likely. And we were not TRYING to get pregnant so we weren't exactly going at it like rabbits, once a week maybe.
I said to Dwayne: "Do you want to see something weird?". Of course he wanted to, he said. So I showed him the last test and asked him if he'd ever seen one of those before. He caught on rather quickly: "A positive pregnancy test....?" he said. I nodded and we stared at eachother with silly smiles on our faces for the longest of times. As I was still not convinced I told Dwayne he should not get too ahead of himself until I had been to the GP and got a second (well, sixth) opinion, but I don't think he took any notice. He was too excited.
On Friday morning 2nd November I had a blood test, and on Saturday morning I was standing with my nose against the glass door as the GP's office opened in the morning, to get my results. Yup, pregnant. 7-8 weeks according to hormone levels. Seven to eight weeks! For goodness sake! We are REALLY good at this baby making thing.
Tuesday afternoon 6th November I have an appointment for a dating scan to get a better idea of exactly how far along I am. I can't WAIT. That will be the test that will finally convince me. Seeing a blob on an ultrasound picture. Seeing is believing.
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