Nightmares

I very seldom have nightmares. You might well say I never have nightmares. But they say you have them when you're pregnant, and I can confirm that. Early this morning I had a long and very detailed dream (my dreams always are) and I will summarise it for you so you see what I mean.

The dream had three parts. In short, the first part was in the hospital where I was having my babies (yes, plural, triplets in this case). All my family was there. A lot happened but in the end my babies were taken away and I didn't even get to see them.

In the second part I was in some sort of swamp looking for my babies. There were crocodiles everywhere and one was targeting me. It took hold of my foot and tried to pull me into the water. In the distance I could see my friend Andrea, and she was smiling and waving at me.

In the final part I was back in the hospital. I remembered there was only one baby on that first scan, and with the crocodiles and everything I realised I was going insane. I also started bleeding heavily and I was on the floor begging my mother to call for the doctor, but she just kept checking for my pulse and not calling anyone. As I lost consciousness I woke up.

I know exactly what it is my brain is trying to process. It is totally obvious. In this dream my babies are taken away and nobody seems to think anything of it, I am being eaten by a crocodile and my friend doesn't seem to realise, and finally I am dying but nobody takes it seriously. This is so clearly about the fact that I am constantly so worried about my baby that my heart hurts, and nobody else seems worried at all. I am convinced that little heart is no longer beating, and everyone tells me "Nah, everything is fine!"

Gosh, I wish I was one of everyone else. And I can't wait for my 12 week scan in two weeks' time so I can see that heart beat again.